Going into this semester I knew I wanted to do some sort of performance piece based on the work that I was doing last semester. Most of my brainstorming around this was centred around crying- because it is something I do often. But I can't cry on command or fake cry so I had to find a way to have it be genuine tears and I thought of this phrase I use a lot “crying is a part of my process”. So I had the idea to film myself every time I cry bout this project specifically and then project it over all of these design objects that I would make.

The intent with this is 1. to express my feelings about design culture and 2. to act as a commentary on the emotional distress students go through in order to produce something for a good grade.

The original, uncut video compellation is over 30 minutes long and moves along rather slowly. For presentation purposes I wanted it to be more engaging- I also took into consideration how this project would live on past its physical showing. All the pieces in my project are highly interactive so I spliced in short clips of me using all the pieces and included them throughout the video so that people could see the project in action. I wanted it to read almost like a commercial with interruptions of crying.

This version of the video includes a reflective part for me. The project is now completed, and all set up and ready to be shown. People are telling me I should be happy and excited that it is finally over, but as I sit and rewatch the video, recalling all that pain I went through to get here, I wonder- was it worth it?